


I Wish I Knew

by Aitum



Category: Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 23:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aitum/pseuds/Aitum
Summary: Diadora's thoughts and feelings after Arvis defeated Sigurd. She barely remembers anything but her own name, so why is this blue-haired fine knight looking at her with so much pain in his eyes?





	I Wish I Knew

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost (with grammatical changes mostly) from my old defunct FFn account since the site does not allow importing. Original work can be found here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5827343/1/I-Wish-I-Knew. I'm new here so I'm still figuring things out.
> 
> I derived their first meeting from Mitsuki Oosawa's manga, and SxD's interaction through the secret cutscene in the game.

I never expected this before. I thought Arvis was joking when he told me that today would be a fated day. The one and only thing I knew was today our enemy would be approaching Velthomer and Arvis would stop them at any cost. He said something like wouldn't allow them to visit the King.

Speaking of the king, I met him once. The world was such a big surprise, right. Was this really frail-looking old man that stood in front me, the King? He looked like he knew nothing about this war. To me, he was such a fatherly figure despite of this and I was glad he gave our wedding his blessing.

Our wedding. Yes, mine and Arvis'. He found me unconscious on the grass and brought me home. I barely remembered anything. My head ached… the one and only thing I knew was my own name.

Diadora.

I got along with him quite well. He was a softspoken and benevolent man. Not much a talker, but deep down inside I could feel his love. He made me feel as if I had known him for long, that we both were alike…

Now Arvis showed me this army's commander—a very fine blue-haired man who gazed at me as if his head got hit by a meteor or something. His eyes were full of shock… but not just that. There were also sadness, anger, pain and something that I couldn't describe. His eyes were so… tender.

"Diadora? What's the meaning of this?"

His voice pierced my ears. I shrugged my shoulder and watched him closely once again. Yes, I could see an extreme pain in his eyes. His lips were trembling for untold words that were ready to flow. He studied my face, like, billion times or more.

"Why are you speaking to me… that way?" I asked him. "Do I know you…?"

"Of course I do!" his face reflected the agony. "You are my…"

Your what?

"That's enough. Diadora, you shouldn't be here any longer. This place soon will turn into ashes… and this man, my dear, the murderer of your dear father, really got some guts to make you upset. I can't allow that!"

"No!" the blue-haired man cried with all of his life. "Arvis, please… just one moment. That woman is…"

"You will die here, Sigurd."

_Sigurd._

That name was familiar… so Sigurd was his name after all… but who was this Sigurd guy? His name echoed in my head, leaving me an untold sensation that I couldn't forget. _Sigurd…_

"My lady, His Grace ordered me to escort you back," one of Arvis' young male servants knelt before me and took my hand.

I begged Arvis to give me one last chance but the order had passed down. This faithful servant brought me back to the castle, but I almost couldn't take my eyes off of Sigurd. What was that pain for? Why did he look so sad? I could feel some kind of energy from him—gosh, I wish I knew what it was. It seemed that he wanted to take me to his arms, took me with him for good. But his eyes were still as tender as before… I knew it, Arvis used to look at me that way…

Arvis loved me. So…

Did he… love me? Those eyes, the way he looked at me…

"No visits to the King today, Sigurd," said Arvis, as he let out Falaflame to do the talking for him. But Arvis wouldn't make Sigurd his archenemy for nothing—Sigurd countered Arvis' attack with his very fine legendary sword, Tyrfing, and successfully landed a blow on him. Blood gushed over Arvis' open wound, coloring the ground the way the Golden Hour sun ran across a field of flowers.

"Oh—Diadora..." Arvis mumbled my name as he gasped to get his breathing under control.

I quickly turned my heels with my staff in hand. Arvis was my husband, and this man was a threat to him. Of course I should be helping him, right? Wouldn't you want to protect your family? Surely you would, right? _Right..._

I had no idea why my thoughts sounded like a poor attempt to convince myself. I never had any major quarrel with my husband before. He treated me like a queen. I did not understand this sudden—

_... Doubt?_

I brushed the feelings aside. Maybe today's enemy was indeed one of a kind. If not because of that strong charisma and dignified presence, these loyalists would not ride with him this far, right? Right...

"I'm coming," I smiled and raised my staff, releasing its power. Bright light shone over Arvis' injured limb as it slowly healed itself. I carefully watched his wound healing, wide-eyed as if it was my first experience with the staff, as if it was also the first time I saw a grievous wound patched itself. My head started to feel pounding, but most importantly his wound was healed. There, my husband was ready to fight again. I was glad to be a great help.

_I should._

But Sigurd…

His eyes… 

Was he… crying? As Arvis cried for Falaflame once again, Sigurd's eyes locked mine. What was he trying to convey to me? Why wouldn't he ask for a quarter? My husband was an honorable man. I never saw him hurt even a rabbit before, so why...

By now Sigurd's gaze was even more tender than before; his lips parted, mouthing me something as the tears running down his cheeks. "Seliph…"

 _Seliph_ … ah, who was that again?

"That should be the end of Sigurd of Chalphy and his knights. Victory!! For the better future of Grannvale!"

 _Victory_ , for Arvis, my husband. But… what was I doing? I felt I was nailed, I couldn't speak, I felt as if something so precious was taken from me… but what was it? A possession? A very valuable possession… God, everything was so blurry… did I even exist? Did I...

My servant ushered me back to the castle, pampering me with all-kinds of everything he could find in that very short moment. As I took a glass of wine he prepared for me, the mirror captured how pale my complexion had become. So much that I did not realize. Was this the psychological turmoil everyone said to be  _in shock?_

"My lady," the faithful servant's return 'dispelled' me. "His Grace wanted to see you. I sent word to him and he is worried sick."

"Ah… yes," I responded, feeling disoriented as the world spun before me. _Please just give an answer; I felt like throwing up somehow..._

"Why is my liege crying?!" the servant hurriedly fetched a napkin, and ran again to get water.

What… so… I was crying. Wait a minute, why? I had not experience such pain before. The most painful sadness I ever felt, as if my own soul was ripped off of my body or something. Suddenly this thought flew over my mind—perhaps it would be better if I healed Sigurd instead. Now that he was gone, I felt remorse. Perhaps it would be much better if Sigurd took me with him to the underworld. Perhaps…

"Diadora, oh I love you so much. I won't be able to seize the victory if it isn't because of you," Arvis' face was so radiant. I had not seen him like this before. But I didn't feel any happiness rising from this heart. Thanks to me, Arvis was able to finish Sir Sigurd off… why did my husband's words not make me feel better? I felt worse. I felt so sinful, useless, guilty… and above it all, I wanted to die. Somehow...

"I don't know," I whispered as tears kept overflowing on my cheeks. 

_But do I?_

"Sssh… don't cry…" Arvis gently wiped the tears from my face. "You are in shock. It is normal. It is not your fault. Believe me, it is not your fault. It is never... and by never I mean... never..." his words felt floating as he caressed me and took me to our bedroom—yes, our bedroom… he is my husband, right?

… That again! It was like I need to ensure myself more than a hundred times that he was actually my husband. I should stop this madness soon—my head ached again, I felt my chest burning and there was this crazy thought that Sir Sigurd ever spoke to me the very same way Arvis did.

_"Diadora, don't cry..."_

Now I remembered. I had this conversation before, and I felt so loved and protected. There was this guy who made me feel confident, not afraid of anything ahead us. His touch erased my fears, somehow I believed that together with him, I could do everything…

"Sad face doesn't suit you at all," Arvis smiled and kissed me gently. I was shocked, or so I thought. For some moments I thought it shouldn't be this way—the kiss. Oh, this was ridiculous—a death of your husband's enemy affected me this much… no, no, I should get a hold of myself. "If only you did not see this. I want to protect you from all that is cruel in this world, Diadora. I will get stronger so when war calls for me, you can rest at ease in the safety of our home and never to witness the brutality again."

"You... seem to be so happy," finally I managed to muster a weak reply.

"Ah. Why won't I? We won a tremendous victory today, right? We saved the King, and I've avenged your father. Velthomer is still as glorious as it is, don't you feel happy too, darling? First and foremost," Arvis' eyes were sparkling now, "you saved me, my angel, with that very hand of yours… I couldn't thank the gods enough for it."

"Do you… do you hate Sir Sigurd that much? Why…"

"Please, no more of it," I was surprised that Arvis would land his clenched fist to the tablet near the bed.

Was I doing it wrong? Oh, yes… why should I care for the deceased man? Shouldn't the hugs and kisses went to my dear husband, who with all of his might and tactics was able to save this land?—

"I'm sorry… Diadora," Arvis' hand touched my shoulder. "I shouldn't say that to you. I just do not want to make you... _upset._ The enemy's gone for good, shouldn't we have fun?"

His hands… I knew the way he touched me showed how he yearned for me that hard. I gave him what he wanted—shouldn't I be a good wife? Arvis took my lips and brought me to his. As his desire reached me, the crazy thought was popping again…

_"Diadora, the fate that I cannot kiss you is the fate I won't approve! "_

And who spoke to me that way before?

"You're so beautiful, Diadora," as if a waterfall rushed down behind Arvis' soft whisper.

_"Don't worry, you will be used to them—you're indeed so beautiful, they will be happy for me too. By the way, that's my sister Ethlyn and his husband Quan over there. Crazily in love aren't they? Quan and I are good friends since our day at the Belhalla Military Academy, and together with the young Nodion King Eldigan, we are unstoppable."_

"Thank you," I replied.  _Thank you? My husband passionately loves me, and that's all I can say?_

... Perhaps there was a man who ever said it to me before? And Ethlyn, Quan… ah, weren't they a part of Lenster royal family? Ethlyn's brother… means Quan's brother-in-law… who…? So familiar, yet so far away. Maybe because there had been nothing but praises about him so far, so that's why—why... would he turn on the...

The headache again. My forehead probably could explode at this rate.

"Hey, what's with that look? I'm not a ghost, I'm only your husband," Arvis teased me gently.

A shadow in my head was not as blur as before… but still, this was something that I couldn't remember. As Arvis mentioned himself as my husband, I heard someone's face on my head…

_"This is my home. You're my wife, meaning this is also your home. You'll never be alone again."_

Arrrrggggh!! Stop, stop, stop, please! Who are you? The one who made me hunger for your touch, and your presence was more than anything I need, that I…

_"Diadora do you know I couldn't live without you?"_

"We have to spend more time together, now that this little war was over," Arvis kissed me again. "Restorations will keep me busy as I will be the Emperor of Grannnvale. But an heir to the throne will perfectly complete our life—say, what do you think about it, my darling?"

A baby.

Baby…

"Even if I have a baby, I will ride my own horse," I nudged his fiery curly hair. "You'll be busy playing emperor. And in order not to burden you, I'll get myself busy by playing empress."

"No. If that was indeed to happen, you would be riding with me. I treasure you more than anything, Diadora."

_"Of course, you'll be riding with me. Don't overdo it, okay? When this war ends, let's inform the others about our baby!"_

Why were these thoughts torturing me this much? Was my body not even mine? What if that was the case? What if my head was no longer mine? What were these memories—were they mine? Someone else's? So why...

The hammering torment swallowed back my reply for Arvis. Perhaps he interpreted my silence as a joyful agreement, so he said nothing else and started to make his move. Every touch, every kiss, every hug he landed on me were so gentle and loving, but I couldn't help my tears not to overflow. I buried my face against his shoulder and turned my head to the other side to prevent him seeing my tears once more. I pray to God that he didn't feel my body shivering—if he did, let him thought that it was because I responded his touches and I loved him back. My head boiled. If winning felt good, then why did my tears come down? Tell me…

 

God, I wish I knew me.


End file.
